Lockdown is over. We are ongoing a back to normal situation. Some of us got quarantined but some are not. But my heartiest congratulations to the fat people. During this series of lockdowns, we used to consume more foods than before. Because we are staying at home. Lots of thin people including me got muscular.
Staying thin is not good these days. If we got positive for corona and if we are thin the worse situation will begin. We need to eat and get fat. Being fat is not a bad thing it is a blessing. Before the lockdown I was thin but during the lockdown I got fat so now I am gonna give you some professional instruction to get fat.
People think fat people have lots of illnesses. I assure you that is a lie. There are lots of fattest people in society healthier than the thin people. I suggest you all eat more calories than it burns. You can determine the number of calories you want by using a calorie calculator. If you guys want to get fat so fast, I recommend you all, get around 700-1000 calories above your maintenance level. Do you guys know what is the single most nutrition to gain weight healthily? It is protein. Eat fish, meat, eggs to gain weight.
If you can don’t drink water before your meals this can make your stomach get more calories. Drinking more milk is the best way to take more proteins. Other than those taking a good sleep is much more important to gain weight.
If you guys can add more cream to your coffee this is the best way to get more calories. And taking more weight gainer shakes is the other best way to gain weight.
What if we get overweight? You guys can imagine what happens to us. Gaining weight is a must otherwise we will get sick of it. But being an overweighed guy leads us to lots of bad consequences like non-spreadable illnesses finally we ended up being a sick person.
Here we are seemingly at the end of a series of lockdowns. Congratulations firstly, on not losing your mind! Some of you got out of quarantine as true heroes. Figured out the purpose of your existence, started small businesses and some went from couch potatoes to Greek gods. Honestly good for you. Now for the normal human beings who do not possess alien skills of getting their life together, y’all emerged out of quarantine.. well, alive. (A little fatter maybe but hey BODY POSITIVITY). For the latter portion of us who are trying to shed some quarantine weight, the next paragraph might come in handy but trust me, I’m no dietician/magician/ fitness guru to make your belly fat disappear. No tips and tricks here friends. Just some raw facts.
How to be fit.
First things first. Watch what you eat. Yup let’s face reality. Kendal Jenner didn’t get hot drinking green tea nor did Ryan Reynolds. Diet counts fellas. Having said that, the recent diet culture has been pretty whack. My aunt, a fellow victim of the quarantine weight surge, did this thing called an egg diet which consisted of eating just eggs for two weeks. YUCK. Then there’s me. Tried intermittent fasting and ended up having the worst gastritis of all time. life took a turn from sassy to gassy in no time. Not that those diets don’t work but here’s something even cooler. FIBRE. Speaking with experience. Let this sink in. Say you want KFC. Trying to lose weight doesn’t mean you can’t eat KFC. Buy your chicken. Half your portion, Fill in the rest of your plate with fibre. A quick google search will give you a list of fiber-filled food. So low in calories, incredibly good for you AND keeps you full and happy. Who said dieting means eating bland food. Work smart not hard boys and girls!
Now for what you guys hate more than the food part. Working out. I know. It’s annoying. I used to hate it too. Some Days I still do but hey, if you want that dream body with the perfect waist to hip ratio, you gotta work it, girl! Now before anything else. If you mention Chloe ting I will slap you. Not that her workouts are bad, just that it’s not for everybody. If you try a hard workout routine like that at the start, you’re obviously going to loath working out. So do what feels nice. Have days for cardio and strength training and on your cardio days, run, dance, walk, clean, play cricket, hike just do something that will move your body and make you happy. Please don’t make it monotonous. That’s where it gets ew and when it comes to strength training, remember boys and girls, Form and progressive overload. Write it on a piece of paper and hang it above your bed if you have to. Whatever workout routine you’re following, if your form is off, your results are also going to be off. Study your workouts before trying them out and make sure to make them harder as time passes. Progressive overload of weights or reps is crucial if you want results. Now, do I have a perfectly snatched body to be ordering you around like this? Of Course not. I’m just like you trying to find the motivation to work out but failing miserably. So here’s what I’ve figured. It’s okay to not complete your routine every day. Besides, rest days are quite important for muscle recovery. Just get up, sweat a little and stop if you aren’t motivated. Way better than not doing anything. Some Days are gloomy some days are sunny but the sun rises regardless.
Having said all that, here’s how to NOT be fit. Because I mean, Who else is going to give you this information?
- Binge-watch Netflix and get amma to feed you rice and curry three times a day.
- Don’t eat at all. Forget to eat and secure your Not-fit-at-all crown.
- Be a picky eater. Only eat sausages and bread. What else do you need to survive?
- Drink green tea every day and eat unhealthily. I mean the model in the commercial looked mad fit.
- Eat more than you burn. I worked out for 10 mins I deserve kottu. Don’t disappoint the island genes, hun.
